John was a person who was loved by so many
people. He touched so many lives with his
ways and a lot of the time he did not even
know it. He was carefree and happy. He knew
how to make a person smile just by being
himself. He loved life and had plans for a
He was only 18 years old when he was
murdered. He was my best friend. He and I
lived together and shared so much of our
lives with each other. We had so many good
times and even shared the bad times that
crossed our paths.
When I met John I never expected him to have
such an impact on my life. He had his ways
though, and with a little time and much
effort he showed me things in life through
his eyes, which changed me in a lot of ways.
He taught me what it was to love and showed
me what it felt like to truly be loved
unconditionally. He taught me to keep going
when you want to give up. He helped me find
happiness that I had never experienced
John wanted to be a police officer one day.
He wanted to be married and have lots of
children. He wanted to travel more,
something he loved to do but had not yet
gotten to do much of. He hoped to see the
ocean one day.
favorite color was blue. He loved having fun
with friends. He liked to play pool. He
loved being outdoors, from just hanging out
in the summer with friends doing not much of
anything to late nights of him and I out
just driving and talking. He loved the rain
and the snow. He loved looking at the stars
and the beauty of a star-filled night sky.
He loved children. He loved music. He loved
having fun and being happy. He loved his
family and his friends....... a very
important part of his life. Most of all he
could always make my day just by seeing his
smile. He had a smile like no one else I
have ever known.
On July 20th, John was at a Sonic Drive-in
with two friends. It was 10:34 PM when he
was shot. He was a passenger in the car and
they had just gotten cokes and were leaving
and John was coming home.
As they were leaving Sonic, gunfire started
from behind the restaurant and a bullet hit
John in the back of the head. He was never
targeted to be killed. It was gang violence
and John was in the wrong place at the wrong
time. An innocent bystander of a horrific
John was sent by helicopter to a wonderful
hospital where he underwent surgery, but he
never regained consciousness again from the
moment he was shot. Everything that could be
done was done to save his life but it was
not enough. He died 12 hours later at 10:34
am on the 21st of July.
His murder remains unsolved. Three suspects
were arrested, but 7 months later released.
There was not enough evidence for a trial.
No one was willing to talk. Too scared
maybe. I do not know. So many people there
that night and someone had to have seen
something but nothing! This is just another
punch in the gut from a loss we all have
suffered since losing John.
John was a son, a brother, a cousin, a
nephew, a grandson, and a friend to many.
His murder has affected the lives of so many
people. I can speak personally on what it
has done to me.
From the moment the hospital called me that
awful Friday night, my life has changed
forever. When John died, I became a survivor
of homicide - something I would never wish
upon any person in this world. Something
that, until that moment, I never was
Grief in a sense has become my best friend
and my worst enemy. I say my best friend
because it is with me always, no matter
what. It is something that has taken me and
made me into a new person. It has been a
very long struggle full of heartache and
When John died a part of me died with him. A
part that I can never get back. The first
few months after John's death I really truly
believed I was going to die myself from the
pain. It is a feeling so intense and
horrible yet there are no words to describe
So much is taken away from you when you lose
a loved one to murder. The devastation is so
horrible and the worst feeling of all is
being completely powerless to do anything at
all to change what has happened.
It is waking up and briefly thinking it was
a bad dream then quickly realizing it was
not and you must yet another day endure
living through the pain.
It is no longer feeling safe. It is wishing
so badly you could see that loved one just
for one more second. It is hurting so much
yourself that you can barely function and
yet hurting even more because you feel you
can't reach out to the people around you who
are also hurting.
It is going from a strong and confident
person to a weak and desperate person. It is
wishing over and over again that just one
brief second in time could be changed to
somehow avoid what happened.
It is coping with every-day life to the best
of your ability and some days wondering if
you honestly will have enough strength,
hope, or faith to get you through that day,
one moment at a time. It is learning the
hard way why it is so important to love the
people in your life with all your heart no
matter what because at any time that chance
can be taken from you.
It is knowing that if you have something to
say to someone you should say it because you
may not have that chance tomorrow. It means
looking at life so differently now and then
quickly remembering why you see things so
different now. It is the bad days you have
with your grief recovery when you look in
the mirror and wonder who the person is
looking back at you and where the old you
The result of murder is so many things.
Rainbows appear after mighty storms,
When things look their very worst.
Just when skies are darkest gray,
Look for the rainbow first.
The rainbow is a sign of God’s promise,
That He will guide us through all our
No matter what their form,
When you feel battered by life’s storms,
And you are filled with doubt and dismay,
Just remember God’s rainbow will come,
For it’s only a prayer away.
A Message From a Friend In Heaven
Perhaps you weren't ready yet
To have to say goodbye
Perhaps you’ve thought of things
You wish you’d said—well, so have I.
For one thing, I’d have told you
Not to worry about me…..
I’m with the Lord in Heaven now—
You knew that’s where I’d be.
I’m sorry that you’re feeling sad,
For I’m so happy now…..
I’ve asked the Lord to ease the hurt
And comfort you somehow.
It’s hard at the beginning,
But I know you’ll make it through…..
I hope it helps to know
That I’ll be waiting here for you.